Now that it's over and closed and all the loose ends are tied up, I am just tired. It was hard to see him again, and that's why I can't for such a long time. Every time opens up the wounds. We didn't talk a whole lot, but we did enough. He read my letter, and after I sat there in silence for long enough, he began to talk. I learned some things I wish I'd known, but too late. It would not have gone any differently. He apologized in his own way, I suppose. With this last thing, I am free to see and interpret what I hope was there, and I saw sorrow and love.

Right now I don't feel like writing here anymore. Or hardly writing at all. I doubt he'll be back to see this but it just feels weird. I've had this as long as I've known him as an adult. I feel like it needs to be closed, too.

My dad is cooking this nasty sausage and the rank smell has permeated the entire house. It smells rancid to me. My dad loves it, but I can't be in any room other than my own without feeling sick.

I am now Googling ways to remove smells from the kitchen and oven. Nasty. I wish I had somewhere to go tonight 'cause I can hardly be in this house!

[ Update: It is not so bad anymore. I went around with a scarf around my head for quite some time, looking like a bandit. I put a pan of water and vinegar in the over at 325° for 30 minutes. I think it did a decent job of cutting the smell, if only making the kitchen smell a little vinegary for a while. Open windows, a pineapple melter and grapefruit candle might have contributed as well. The unfortunate thing is that it's going to happen again tomorrow. Bleh.

Some other smell removing tips include a bowl of water with baking soda in it: boil it on the stove, stick it in the oven, or nuke it in the microwave for a bit. You can also microwave (moist) sponges or put them in the dishwasher to sanitize them, if you are concerned about kitchen cleanliness as I have become. ]

I'm watching Taxicab Confessions (Vegas) and it is FANTASTIC. Supposedly these are hidden camera conversations, and the conversations are terribly enlightening. I'm currently watching the most darling cross-dressing man, who is married, bisexual, and works as an escort. OH MY GOSH HIS FRIEND JUST GOT IN. He is not so hot, he needs a new blonde wig and some milder lip stick. He's also got the biceps of a bear. Oh they're precious. They say men are pigs and if they were women they'd totally be lesbians. It was so worth staying up to have seen that.

I hope mister-ex contacts me soon. He's supposed to be back. My heart races every time I have new e-mail messages, or the phone rings. I just want to get this behind me. I can't close this chapter till I face him one last time, and I want to do it. Fight or flight.

Leyna has earned the title Queen for having slain the Green Dragon 69 times!

Leyna has earned the title Queen for having slain the Green Dragon 68 times!

Princess Leyna has slain the hideous creature known as The Green Dragon. All across the land, people rejoice!
Leyna has earned the title Princess for having slain the Green Dragon 67 times!

Leyna has earned the title Princess for having slain the Green Dragon 66 times!

Before you, the great dragon lies immobile, its heavy breathing like acid to your lungs. You are covered, head to toe, with the foul creature's thick black blood.

You are now known as Magistrate Leyna!